Whenver an able-bodied non-pregnant woman standing next to me sighs twice I give up my seat. Just kidding. She gets to stand.

by aaa on May 15, 2012 12:41 pm • link • report

I actually disagree with parts of this. It's often hard to tell when someone is "less able bodied" than you, and better to keep quiet and be thought a fool than speak up and confirm it. If you need a seat, it's on you to ask. And don't just assume that because someone looks young that they're universally able to give you their seat. I sprained my knee playing softball this week, and a tourist idiot yelled at me on my way home that I should give his wife the last seat on the train because she was older than me (by less than 10 years, I'd guess, making her 40-ish), despite the fact that I was obviously limping (some other guy got up and let her sit, thankfully...I'm pretty sure I would have fallen the second the train jerked).

Also, children small enough to be carried in a stroller should be placed on a parent's lap when the bus/train is full, and the stroller should be stowed out of the aisle as best as possible (I know no one has ever noticed this before, but just FYI, there's empty space underneath Metro seats that things like folded strollers, suitcases, diaper bags, and the like will fit in). It would also be preferable to leave the child in the stroller than to have your child take up a seat and the stroller take up valuable standing real estate. Think of it like a plane: you didn't pay for the kid, so you only get 1 seat for you/them.

by Ms. D on May 15, 2012 12:48 pm • link • report

I was just about to submit this link, which etiquette tips for SF that apply here as well:

http://sfist.com/2012/05/14/sf-muni-bart-etiquette-rules.php

I can't stand it when people don't offer their seat for someone who needs it. As for Emily's case, sure there was a seat 3 feet away. She could have moved to it. The woman with the stroller sounds a little loony but you can pad your general karma points by kindly offering her the seat and then moving to the open seat three feet away, in the nicest way you can. There are jerks in the world. You can combat them by being nice anyway.

by MLD on May 15, 2012 12:49 pm • link • report

The Emily story sounds kinda extraordinary. If there was space for the mom and kid right there, it seems strange that the mom would give Emily a hard time for not moving. It strikes me that the mom was a whack job and Emily should have a clean conscience. There's a lot of crazy people about in the city-that's why people are reluctant to people to ask others to give up their seat (you could be risking a trip to hospital as happened with http://www.princeofpetworth.com/2012/05/update-on-thursdays-assault-at-14th-and-w-st-nw/ )
Nice people therefore offer their seat without waiting to be asked.

by renegade09 on May 15, 2012 12:50 pm • link • report

I sit in the handicapped seats a lot when I ride Metro. On many models of cars, the seats are too close together, and I am tall so this crunches my knees. But I get up when a pregnant/elderly/disabled/etc. person gets on the bus or train. I avoid having someone else take the seat by offering it to that person directly, before I stand up.

Another instance where I think people should do this is when there is a family traveling, where moving can accommodate a parent to sit with a child. I'll even offer move if it's just a couple of people that look like they'd probably want to sit together.

However, if it's Sunday and I'm on the Blue Line to Morgan Boulevard and you're wearing team colors that don't match my burgundy and gold, I'll probably let you stand.

by Dave Murphy on May 15, 2012 12:52 pm • link • report

Beyond seat etiquette, cursing and profane language, eating, etc... is pretty common on MetroBus. I wish MTP would enforce the rules with a little more vigor, rather than standing around with bomb dogs and assault rifles.

by @SamuelMoore on May 15, 2012 12:53 pm • link • report

By not looking like a fool I meant: I get offered seats on the Metro/bus all the time. Sometimes by virtue of being a girl, but more often by virtue of walking with a slight limp. I'm actually fine. I can stand, run, dance, play sports, and do yoga. I had a slight growth disorder as a child and my feet don't exactly work like everyone else's. Sure, that means that I can't really wear heels (but boy do I try!), but it actually makes my turnout better for dance! So, not disabled! I don't need pity (in everyday circumstances, sprained knee aside) and I kind of feel embarrassed, particularly when much older people offer their seats because "I must be in pain."

by Ms. D on May 15, 2012 12:54 pm • link • report

You can offer a seat for whatever reason. It doesn't mean you think that person is deficient in some way.

"Miss/Ma'am/Sir, would you like to sit?" is all it takes.

And yes, as Dave Murphy says, if you are getting up to let someone else sit you should probably let them know so the people around you know too and know not to sit in the seat.

by MLD on May 15, 2012 1:01 pm • link • report

@Ms D: A few comments. Firstly, while unfolded strollers are allowed on the train and a child could sit in one to free up seat space, strollers have to be folded on the bus. It is hard to fit even a folded stroller under the seat of a Metro train or bus, especially if the vehicle is crowded. I usually fold our umbrella stroller, which is about as small as they get, and prop it in the window seat or in the aisle (where, I might note, it does sometimes interfere with fellow bus passengers' ability to move down the bus).

As to your point that children should be seated either in a stroller or on a parent's lap to save room, I'm going to push back a little. By placing my son in his own seat on the bus, I believe I'm teaching him how to be an independent traveler on public transportation. Of course your mileage may vary, but I don't think our transit systems need to enforce a "one ticket, one seat" rule as rigidly as the airlines do, especially when it comes to children.

Finally, I'd add this observation to the general discussion: my experience has been that people who habitually rely on public transit are much better about giving up seats than those who don't. When I was visibly pregnant and taking the bus every day in a primarily immigrant community, I didn't have to stand once. Not once, that is, until I took the Metro downtown on the weekends and saw all the able-bodied tourists file in and occupy the priority seats, idly watching me hang on to the poles to keep from falling every time the train moved. I regret being so passive in those situations!

by Megan on May 15, 2012 1:08 pm • link • report

I think Megan makes a great point - there's often a wide discrepancy between daily users and casual/tourist users. I'm more frequently perturbed by folks on the Metro who lean against a pole, or somehow manage to wrap their entire body around the pole, so that it can't be used by anyone else when the Metro is standing-room-only. As for the seat-offering though, I've found that when I'm in heels and a skirt, or carrying two hefty bags, I'm frequently offered a seat - at least on my weekday bus route that's filled with regulars.

by Allie on May 15, 2012 1:17 pm • link • report

Especially if you're in priority seating, you need to be paying attention to the people standing around you. I constantly have to flag down and give up my regular seat near the middle of the train to old and pregnant people standing near the priority seats because a-hole 20somethings (I'm 26, not trying to sound like a cranky old person but it's usually 20somethings that are the worst) are taking the priority seats and listening to their iphones and zoning out the world. I try to tell myself that the problem is they don't notice the people in need as opposed to actively trying to be selfish a-holes.

by jag on May 15, 2012 1:18 pm • link • report

I've sometimes seen the opposite, where the bus or train is packed and there's an empty seat nobody wants because they're feeling nice and want someone else to take it.

I always take it.

I'm an able-bodied 20-something male. I offer my seat to the elderly, disabled, people with kids, and women in heels. But in a crowded vehicle, one ought to use every seat available. If nobody's taking it well, damn it, I'll do it.

by OctaviusIII on May 15, 2012 1:20 pm • link • report

* Bus drivers should kneel the bus standard. You can not always see who has problems getting in the bus. It is terribly annoying to have to ask.

* Bus drivers should also try and pull up to the curb as best they can.

* People should get up from the handicapped chairs for those in need. Again, you can't always see a handicap.

* Handicapped people should not be shy and ask politely. Many people snooze or withdraw from their surroundings and don't notice new people in the bus.

* If other seats are available and easily reachable, handicapped people can consider to sit down there are well.

* Get up when someone asks. Seriously. Just get up. It is not your personal seat, and you do not get to card people. Again, you can not necessarily see someone else's problem. Do not pretend you don't know where you're sitting. Even if you don't, you should know.

My personal experience (when I had a broken foot) is that women get up much faster than men. I found it surprising how many men will let a woman get up without even looking up.

Finally, I've been surprised how many people want an explanation. As if my crutches and massive plastic boot were not obvious.

by Jasper on May 15, 2012 1:21 pm • link • report

Having recently been pregnant, I can say that more often than not, someone offered me a seat on the Metro during my commute. When no one did, it was at least amusing to watch people try to avoid making eye contact so as to not feel compelled to give up their seat.

My coworker's favorite story: We were riding Metro home, I was almost 9 months pregnant, and the lady sitting closest to where we were standing looked up & asked "When are you due?" But never budged.

For the record, the same coworker (who is now pregnant) said she finds bus riders to be much more courteous than Metro riders about giving up their seat to her or her unstable-on-his-feet 3 year old.

by NorCalinDC on May 15, 2012 1:23 pm • link • report

I'm 7 months pregnant and have observed the most interesting phenomenon on metrorail. So many people pretend that they don't see me standing there with my huge belly. You can just tell when someone is intentionally avoiding looking in your direction. Most days I am fine and can survive standing for my 20 minute ride so I don't get worked up about it. It is really fascinating to watch the willful oblivion.

On the flip side, I have been very touched by some really considerate folks on metro. For example, a woman, who was standing, recently noticed me get on the train and immediately requested that someone who was sitting give me a seat. That happened to be a really bad morning for me and I was so grateful for the seat. As it turned out, two women got up from their seats to allow me to sit. None of the folks in the designated seating - two of whom were male - moved an inch.

by Carrie on May 15, 2012 1:27 pm • link • report

I have disability that isn't readily apparent, but means I cannot stand for long periods. After getting the stink-eye one time too many from people who expected me to give up my seat, I finally got myself an medic ID bracelet which I make sure is visible when I am sitting on a crowded bus or train. So, while on one hand it is true that is it not always easy to tell if someone has an issue, it's also true that it was my responsibility to take some steps to make it clearer.

by Anon on May 15, 2012 1:45 pm • link • report

I am in my 20s, and my leg is in a walking cast due to a sports injury. I exclusively use public transit here in the DC area. (Even if I owned a car, I could not drive it because the cast is on my right foot).
I find that one of the hardest parts of getting around on the Metro is getting people's attention to give me their seat before the train starts moving, because they are wearing headphones (standing on a moving train is very hard and very painful for me). One I get their attention, people generally give me their seat because the cast makes it clear that I have an injury. I dont know if people would be as responsive once I switch to wearing a smaller brace till the injury fully heals.

However, not all Metro riders have been helpful. Since getting in this cast:
-Twice I was told (once yelled at) for taking a handicap seat on the bus by (middle aged) people who thought the seat was reserved for the elderly only.
-A man entered a bus carrying a young toddler. All the handicap seats were taken by elderly people and me. He aggressively told me to get out of my seat because he had a baby in his arms. I told him I couldn't stand because I had a cast on, and he replied "yeah, thats nice, we'll I've got a baby!" Eventually someone in the back of the bus gave the man their seat.
-A man was sitting behind me on the metro playing his music loudly. I asked him to turn it down. He spent the rest of the ride cursing at me and insulting me and telling me to move if I did not like his music. I cannot walk on a moving metro, and told him this. He kept cursing and telling me that was my problem. None of the other local passengers said anything.

I have found that on the buses the drivers can be the key to an accessible experience. Some drivers do not start driving again until I have found a seat, which makes all the difference. I have seen drivers tell passengers that the bus will not move until someone gets up for the elderly or handicapped. This places pressure on people to get up, and really makes a difference (nobody wants to bear the wrath that comes with making an entire bus full of people late). WMATA should make this the policy for bus drivers.

by MS on May 15, 2012 1:51 pm • link • report

I've found that in situations where only one person is "on the spot" to do the right thing, they usually do so.

As the number of people who are on the spot increases, the chance of any one of them doing the right thing goes down. On a bus where any one of 5-6 people could potentially relinquish their seat, this is pretty common.

Surely this is a special case of the "bystander effect"?

by oboe on May 15, 2012 1:51 pm • link • report

I often sit in the "reserved" seats, or the next row back on the Metro trains during rush hour because i'm trying to get off the train at one of the very busy downtown stops. Granted i'm probably more aware than most and have gotten up for people when I saw them board (and often by Chinatown am standing anyway to not get trapped behind a wall of people when my stop arrives). I think part of the problem is the seating design. I know you lose seating with benches paralleling the sides of the train, but it makes maneuvering for everyone involved easier with the very wide isles, and the only limiting factor on how many can sit is how close people squeeze to each other while sitting.

by Gull on May 15, 2012 1:56 pm • link • report

I give up my seat to anyone who is older than me, appears to need it more than me, or is visibly disabled.

I thought it was common courtesy. However, more times than I can count, I've been told I'm a sexist by a woman for whom I've given my seat to.

To me, it doesnt much matter what gender you are. I am 100% able bodied and young. If you appear to be less able bodied even in the slightest, or are even a bit older than me, it just seems to be common courtesy. I feel that I am the last person who needs a seat...

I will only stand when there are no more empty seats.

by Anon on May 15, 2012 2:06 pm • link • report

I never give up my seat for pregnant women. Sure it's polite but as the article mentiones "the row of seats nearest the door is reserved by law for seniors and persons with disabilities when necessary." Being pregnant does not place you into either of those categories.

by Snon on May 15, 2012 2:09 pm • link • report

I got yelled at for offering my seat to a woman of a certain age.
What is the policy if you have a few bags of groceries and the only available seat is a reserved seat. Do you give up and stand or sit? I usually sit - but feel terrible about it.

by andy2 on May 15, 2012 2:09 pm • link • report

I do not consider giving up my seat a major virtue and, above all, I do not consider it a moral duty.

by John Galt on May 15, 2012 2:19 pm • link • report

Sure it's polite but as the article mentiones "the row of seats nearest the door is reserved by law for seniors and persons with disabilities when necessary." Being pregnant does not place you into either of those categories.

Alright, as the husband of a currently pregnant lady I can assure you, she's in the category of disabled. Not permanently disabled mind you, but disabled nonetheless. She can't, for example, lift anything heavier than 5 lbs (under doctor's orders) and she is to limit the amount of walking, standing and stair climbing she does. If that isn't disabled, I'm not sure what you call it. She's under these orders because she's at a high risk to miscarry, so please give up your seat for pregnant ladies. You don't want to be the cause of a miscarriage.

by David C on May 15, 2012 2:35 pm • link • report

As an able bodied, early 30-something, I feel like I need to give up my seat to almost anyone else who gets on the Metro. If I sit, I find myself constantly looking for someone that needs the seat more than I do. It is easier for me to just stand unless the train is less than half full.

by bennynojets on May 15, 2012 2:44 pm • link • report

I am in my twenties. I look young and healthy. When I had mono, I had to drag myself to the doctor to get approved for short term disability. I took a priority seat because it was the only one available.

A visibly pregnant (about 8 months) woman got on and the mid-50s woman next to me started complaining about kids today when I didn't get up. I said, "I have mono, what's your excuse?" She was the one who got up.

I have often given up my nonpriority seat for others, even just so families could sit together.

I agree the priority seats are abused but there are a lot of people who look "fine" and aren't.

by iwill on May 15, 2012 2:46 pm • link • report

I never give up my seat for pregnant women. Sure it's polite but as the article mentiones "the row of seats nearest the door is reserved by law for seniors and persons with disabilities when necessary." Being pregnant does not place you into either of those categories.

Of course it is - it's just not a permanent disability. The person with a cast, or who just had surgery isn't permanently disabled either, but no one has a problem giving up a seat in that situation. Why on earth would you feel any differently about a pregnant woman? (Answer: misogyny, but that's a different discussion.)

Leaving aside the ridiculous debate over whether a pregnant woman is disabled, however, please reread your post. Cast in its best possible light, you are reveling in being impolite. At worst, (deleted for violation of the Comment Policy.) Do you really want to be that guy? (Or girl, but I doubt it.)

by dcd on May 15, 2012 2:49 pm • link • report

What do people think about metro elevators? If you have been waiting for an elevator, do you feel any moral duty to offer your place for any of the following:
1. old/infirm
2. person in wheelchair
3. family with stroller
4. person with bike

Theoretically #2 is no more inconvenienced by having to wait than an able-bodied person whereas #3 and #4 are able-bodied but not allowed to use the escalators.

by renegade09 on May 15, 2012 3:02 pm • link • report

renegade09, I don't even think you should be using the elevator if you aren't in group 1-4.

by David C on May 15, 2012 3:26 pm • link • report

All of us have anecdotes.

Rudeness and refusing to give up your seat crosses all gender, race, and age lines.

As a southerner, it's second nature for me to offer my seat to a lady..able bodied or not. However, there are times when I'm tired and just don't feel like moving. Just don't feel like it and during these times, I remain seated.

I have been surprised at the number of women who don't offer their seats.

by HogWash on May 15, 2012 3:34 pm • link • report

Good timing. I just spent a month with my foot in a walking boot and had to take a bus that was not part of my usual commute (because my commute usually involves a .5-mile walk). I never had to stand on the bus - either someone offered their seat, another rider asked people to move for me, or, one time, the driver asked people to give up a seat for me. I was never once offered a seat on the Metro - in fact, one time people sped-walked past me, limping, to grab the last empty seat.

As for the commenter who said that pregnancy is not a disability? The Pregnancy Discrimination Act says otherwise.

by scone on May 15, 2012 3:54 pm • link • report

David C,

Many people prefer to ride the elevator. The elevator exit may place you 50 yards closer to your destination than the escalator. I think that's fine, but you should let groups 1-4 go ahead of you. However, I regularly see more needy users crowded out by able-bodied people who for whatever reason want to use the elevator.

by renegade09 on May 15, 2012 4:38 pm • link • report

I completely agree that folks on the train are MUCH more oblivious than folks on the bus (deliberately or otherwise). Thankfully, I don't normally ride the train. When I was pregnant with my now 5 year old, I rode the orange line into DC every day, and nearly every day had to ask for a seat - from folks with their noses buried in their phones, papers, etc. I would generally say, in a good natured way but loudly enough for a number of people to hear, "I could stand here for the ride, but please be prepared for me to fall into your lap as my balance isn't currently what it once was." That generally did the trick.
Thankfully, we moved to the District when 5yo was just a few days old. Since then, I normally bus or bike to work. These days, I primarily bike, but. . . I'm now closing in on 5 months pregnant again and expect to hang up my two wheeler by the end of June.
Aside: I may be not quite 5 months pregnant, but this is my third (!) - which means I have already stretched out to what would look 7 months pregnant or so to a first timer.
So, here's the thing about riding the bus (which I currently do when it rains). People do offer me their seats, but I absolutely cannot sit in the reserved seats up at the front. The sideways motion makes me incredibly ill. Like, ill enough to end up throwing up and having to go back home for the day.
So, I generally walk towards the back, past the bench seats at the front (usually, they're full anyway, so it isn't like I'm walking past an empty seat. So sometimes someone offers me a seat farther back, sometimes not. At this point I'm not pushing the issue, but in a few months I will.
My point is, please remember just because a pregnant woman walks past those front seats, don't assume she couldn't use a break.
Finally, to all you late-20 something and early-30 something single professional women who don't get up to help a lady out, I look forward to seeing you at 42, pregnant with triplets because you waited so long and took the IVF route, trying to get on the bus or the train....

by elizqueenmama on May 15, 2012 4:57 pm • link • report

Many people prefer to ride the elevator.

I get that. But that's not enough reason to justify using it. When you use it, you keep it away from people who need it.

by David C on May 15, 2012 5:08 pm • link • report

@Snon, WOW. So many things I could say to that. Let me get them all out there:
1) In American society, for better or worse, pregnancy IS considered a disability. I don't have 'maternity leave', I have 'short term disability pay' (for which, I know, i am lucky).
2) This is a political problem, and something I find to be a major deficiency in our society. But penalizing pregnant woman to make that political statement is just rude.
3) Because I assume you are not just being deliberately rude. Because that would be inexcusable. If you truly believe pregnant women are truly as able bodied as non-pregnant woman when it comes to being on our feet all day, you clearly need a lesson in biology.
4) While pregnant, women put on, in the span of 8 months, somewhere between 15 and 40 pounds, most of it right in the front of the body. This puts incredible pressure on our lower backs and seriously throws off our balance. In addition, our bodies begin to release a hormone called, aptly, relaxin. As the name implies, relaxin relaxes the uterine ligaments, allowing for the lower back to move with the extra weight and the pelvic bones to spread so the baby can be pushed out when the time comes. Clever biology, huh? But relaxin isn't clever enough to target only those areas of the body - instead, every joint in our bodies loosen up. Our shoulders, our wrists, our hands, our knees, our ankles, our feet. (Many women go up a shoe size while pregnant, not from swelling but because all the joints in their feet are loosened up!) Imagine trying to stand on a moving vehicle with an extra 25 lbs on your belly, and your back, hips, knees, ankles and feet all feeling super loose and unstable, because somebody thinks that 'being pregnant isn't a disability'?

OK, biology lesson and rant complete.

by elizqueenmama on May 15, 2012 5:10 pm • link • report

I don't sit in the Priority Seating. I have given up my seat if I see a family is being separated by available seating or sometimes just to be polite. I don't flinch if there are other seats. I always sit close to the window and don't occupy the aisle seat if the train is getting crowded. Rarely does anyone actually sit next to me though. It's a perk of looking suspicious. Along those same lines, people are often afraid to sit in open seats or simply ask a person anything. It's hard to feel bad for them.

by selxic on May 15, 2012 5:23 pm • link • report

...maybe Snon wasn't born from a woman...

by Tina on May 15, 2012 5:28 pm • link • report

...maybe Snon wasn't born from a woman...

Hah, I was just thinking; maybe when people want to pass judgments on pregnant women they should take those opinions, compose them into a well argued e-mail, and send it off to their mother and see what the reaction is.

by MLD on May 15, 2012 5:33 pm • link • report

I've also noticed that bus riders are more considerate than rail riders. Almost always someone gives up their seat for a priority rider on buses. The other interesting thing I've seen on buses on more than one occasion is a woman volunteer to hold mother's child while she folds up the stroller and gets situated in a seat.

by Veronica O. Davis (Ms V) on May 15, 2012 6:25 pm • link • report

This reaction to my story is fascinating. Maybe I communicated my distress in the wrong way.
Yes, pregnant women have trouble standing and swaying back and forth as the bus moves is problematic for several reasons.
But the point is not that I wasn't given another seat immediately. The point is that the only person who seemed to want to give up her seat to an elderly man or a girl on crutches was me. Someone who was sitting by the window (where it would be difficult if not impossible to get to given the circulator setup) and who was 8 mo pregnant. That is what made me livid. That I stood up for the man and he couldn't reach my seat. That after I stood up this girl came hopping down the isle toward me. That is what I made a stink about, not my pregnancy.
Perhaps I am more in tune with this issue, but I don't think so. The bus driver herself asked someone to give up a seat for the girl on crutches for goodness sake!
I also am curious about those wanting to place the onus on the disabled to obtain a seat. One of the reasons being you can't tell. Do an 80 year old man barely able to stand and a person on crutches really have to point out the issue?

by Melissa on May 15, 2012 6:52 pm • link • report

I ride the bus and often see people who are elderly, on crutches, with canes, and so on, have to stand while other people sit. One weekend I saw an elderly woman with a cane have to teeter to the back of the bus because a group of teenagers were sprawled across two or three seats each. One morning I saw an elderly woman - with a cane and blind - being told by a Metro worker that he wanted the two side by side seats in the "priority" section and that she'd have to sit elsewhere. I've had to stand - I'm 60 and have arthritis - becuase people are blocking seats or taking up multiple seats and refuse to share.

by Todd on May 15, 2012 6:59 pm • link • report

I'm a very, very regular transit rider, but most of my trips take place at rush hour and on busy bus routes (when there's no other alternative, the bus gets quite crowded). "Teaching a child independence" is all well and good, but when the train/bus is BREATHING room only, I will give you dirty looks for not putting the kid in your lap and offering someone else their seat. That's just common (or uncommon) courtesy, but I see lots of very small children taking up lots of room on very crowded vehicles, and that just doesn't seem very polite. I have stuffed some pretty large suitcases under Metro seats (yes, this compromised my leg room, but it was my choice to bring the suitcase on Metro at rush hour). When my friend came to visit with her 12-year-old son and 2-year-old daughter, she put the 2-year old in her lap and held the folded umbrella stroller between her legs on crowded trains/buses, and made the 12-year-old stand with me. I didn't even have to ask her to do this, despite her being from an area with NO public transit.

I will offer my seat to someone obviously in distress (obviously a senior, crutches/cast/visible brace, very limpy), and I appreciate when people do the same when my elderly mother comes to visit. But when people don't volunteer, I ask for a seat for her. NBD, most people are good about it when the person in question is obviously in need. The last time this happened, an older but apparently able-bodied man offered my mom his seat. Thanks, dude. Then his wife (I suppose, could be wrong...she was with him and they obviously knew each other) got up and offered me her seat because she "saw me walking awkwardly." I declined and told her I was 100% fine to stand, do it every day. It's kind of embarrassing to be 30-ish and thought an invalid for a slightly off-kilter walk (that I've had for as long as I can remember). Particularly when I'm carrying obvious sports equipment with me (3 days a week). Plus I find the whole "women in seats first" dance to be awkward. I typically say I'm only going a few stops, so they should sit, but they're sometimes insistent. Despite my lady parts, I'm fully capable of standing up for 10 minutes, particularly if you're going to be on the train 3-4x longer than I am.

by Ms. D on May 15, 2012 7:47 pm • link • report

Was on Red Line one night late with Caps Fans returning from game. Trains were packed. I was exhausted and not feeling well; had trucked all over the city with 20 y-o son. Apparently I was not looking so good. Metro employee in car asked if I wanted to sit down and promptly rousted a healthy young man from seat on my behalf. She was awesome. I was grateful. I *know* that both of my grown sons would readily get up to offer a seat to an older person, a pregnant woman, someone with disabilities... I'm not Super Mom, but still... It's a pretty basic thing that you make it known to your children that certain rules of common courtesy are always in force.

by webdoyenne on May 15, 2012 9:38 pm • link • report

I have a back injury from being rear-ended a year and a half ago. It still hurts, particularly from standing for long periods, walking, and depending on how I am sitting. I am tall. The normal seats on metro buses don't give me the leg room to shift so I'm not sitting hurting my back, so, if one is available, I sit in the priority seats. I am certainly not breaking any rules when I do so–I was recently issued a metro disability card based on my injury. Just because I look able-bodied does not mean I am, and it is frustrating when someone starts yelling at me that I need to move because the person who just came on the bus is a senior citizen, despite there being a free priority seat to either side of me and another 50% of them still free too.

by Anon on May 15, 2012 9:39 pm • link • report

For the majority of my twin pregnancy my main mode of transportation was the bus & metro. I was amazed at how often people offered up their seats (usually teenagers, in fact). I never took them up on it, even when I was 9 months along and as big as a house. I have always disliked people comparing pregnancy to a disability. I chose to get pregnant.

by hereiam on May 15, 2012 10:59 pm • link • report

I ride Metro rail a lot and have never seen a pregnant woman have to stand because no one offered a seat to her. So these stories make me wonder if some pregnant women who believe that their pregnancy is "noticeable" or "visible" have a very different conception of those terms than others. I know friends who have been in very advanced stages of pregnancy, who barely show anything, though I'm sure to them, their pregnancy was obvious because they look in the mirror every day and see the changes. And of course, for some women, let's be honest and admit that pregnancy can be confused for being overweight. So if riders consistently are not giving up a seat for a woman when she's pregnant, maybe she should consider whether her pregnancy is that obvious to a bunch of random people, rather than trying to assume that people are inconsiderate.

by N on May 16, 2012 6:39 am • link • report

When WMATA purchases or refurbishes its buses and rail cars, the seat cushions and backs for the areas Federal law prioritizes for disabled and seniors should be significantly different in color and maybe have a different design or logo, presumably something that the person about to sit down and cover can't ignore unless blind, in which case that person's sitting there would be appropriate by law in the first place. To me, the sign over the seats is simply not working and should, if anything, instruct riders that the seat must be surrendered on valid request from a disabled person or senior, possibly at risk of fine if the law or WMATA rules so provide.

by Lindsley Williams on May 16, 2012 6:47 am • link • report

@OctaviusIII: I agree with all, except the "women in heels" part. Wearing heels is a fashion choice, not a disability or need for a seat. If a woman decides her heels are more important than her comfort, fine... but that is not a reason for people to be expected to get up from their seat and give it over. If a woman must wear high heels and needs a place to sit, perhaps carrying a pair of sneakers to switch into after work would be a good idea.

@Iwill: You ride a bus with mono? Hmmmmm... maybe the bike rack would be a better place for you to ride.

by MikeR on May 16, 2012 7:40 am • link • report

@N

When a coworker was pregnant she would regularly tell us people ignoring her and not offering a seat on the Orange Line. This was at 8-9 months when she was clearly pregnant.

@Lindsley Williams

The problem isn't that the seats aren't the right color or that people don't know. Changing the color of the seats isn't magically going to make inconsiderate people get up. People who see someone who needs a seat should just offer it to them and get up, and people who need a seat and aren't getting one should ask if nobody offers.

by MLD on May 16, 2012 8:29 am • link • report

@MS - It might sound nice to implement a policy where operators force riders to give up those seats for elderly/disabled, but it's illegal. Operators can ask riders to give up the seats, but they can't force them to.

by nevermindtheend on May 16, 2012 9:26 am • link • report

I neither read nor speak Finish. In 1971 while visiting Helsinki I wanted to travel by Tram to the local planning office. I boarded a car in which there were many empty seats and sat in a seat near the front so I could observe the operation. Suddenly I noticed that other passengers were yelling at me – in Finish. I did not know why. One passenger who spoke English took pity on me a told me that I had sat in a seat that was clearly marked – by a sign in Finish – reserving that seat for disabled World War II veterans. Once I knew, I quickly moved. When other riders, care seat reservations work.

by sgfranks on May 16, 2012 11:01 am • link • report

Don't we all sit behind our desks all day?

Unless you're working a job where you have to stand/do physical labor all day, then shame on you for feeling like you must sit on the bus or Metro, and can't give up your seat to someone who actually can't stand, rather than just being lazy.

It's another sign of the slow doom of this nation when able-bodied people can't even stomach standing up for 30 min, especially when it's for another person who is disabled in some way.

We used to be nomads - standing, walking, and running are our natural states, you know?

by Matthew B on May 16, 2012 11:34 am • link • report

@DavidC, re: who should take the elevator,

I was on a packed elevator when a man in a wheelchair rolled up. When people offered to get off so that he could get on, he declined, saying, "Equal access, not preferential treatment."

I would give people with disabilities priority on a elevator, but folks with a stroller or a bike can wait for the next elevator, just like the rest of us.

by SoupySales on May 16, 2012 12:25 pm • link • report

I would give people with disabilities priority on a elevator, but folks with a stroller or a bike can wait for the next elevator, just like the rest of us.

This is what you're actually saying:

I would give people with disabilities priority on a elevator, but folks with a stroller or a bike have to wait for the next elevator, unlike the rest of us, since we can take the escalator.

by David C on May 16, 2012 2:01 pm • link • report

If you see something, say something. If you see a person in need of a priority seat get on a bus/train and you see someone who might not be as deserving occupying the seat, say something. Melissa, did you just get up and walk away from your seat without nodding to the person on crutches for whom you were abdicating it? Perhaps letting others around know for whom you were leaving the seat?

Don't assume people will be considerate. Transit riders are in "the zone" and not paying attention. But you always have the right to help any other person in need, even if you don't have a seat to give up.

by MDE on May 16, 2012 3:08 pm • link • report

I gave birth less than two weeks ago. I had a relatively easy pregnancy, and commuted by bike until I was six months pregnant. After that, I sometimes walked. But by my eighth and ninth months, I often really needed a seat on the Metro. From the beginning of my pregnancy, I was curious about whether DC transit riders were likely to offer pregnant women seats on the train. So I counted. Over my entire pregnancy, I was offered a seat exactly 11 times. Even if one assumes that all 11 occurred in the last two months, when I rode the Metro nearly every morning (they didn’t), this would mean that riders offered me a seat only about 25% of the time. (There was almost always a seat available during my evening commute.) As it became clearer that I couldn’t count on getting a seat when I really needed one, I made sure that I boarded the train near the priority seating. It made no discernible difference.

Some people pretty obviously pretended not to see me – and there was no avoiding the fact I was pregnant during these months. I was small person in my last months of pregnancy; due to the unseasonably warm weather, I wasn’t wearing a jacket or bulky clothing. Perhaps other times I was unlucky enough to board the train near someone as misguided as Snon. More often than not, though, it seemed that commuters in the morning simply didn’t look up. They were still half asleep, and almost always staring at a smartphone. I’m no different when I commute, I admit, but I do think that people who choose to sit in the priority seating have a duty to glance up every once in awhile to check that no one in their vicinity appears to need the seat more than they.

Worse, some mornings I couldn’t even get a spot near a pole to hold on to, but had to stand jammed into the vestibule area with others bumping into my belly at every jerk of the train. On those days, I couldn’t even maneuver myself into a position close enough to where I could ask someone for a seat. No one crammed into the vestibule area with me ever moved to help me out. These folks didn’t have the luxury of their seated fellow commuters’ oblivion. Without phones to stare into, they couldn’t help but see me. Even when you’re not seated in the disability seating, it should be common courtesy to help out a fellow passenger in such a precarious situation. Yes, everyone’s fighting for their patch of space on the train, but rearranging a bit when you’re already standing up should be even less to ask than giving up a seat.

by Boysenberry on May 16, 2012 3:45 pm • link • report

by elizqueenmama on May 15, 2012 4:57 pm
us pregnant with ivf 42 yr olds of course are financiallly smart & established so we WONT be on the train @ 42 b*tching about not getting a seat!

by lilkunta on May 16, 2012 6:59 pm • link • report

My rules:
1) Try to at least make eye contact with the person you're giving the seat to.
2) Pivot my body to block someone else from sniping the seat.

-danny

by Daniel Howard on May 16, 2012 7:29 pm • link • report

As a general rule, I avoid sitting in the priority seating areas in the first place. I also avoid siting in the aisle seat if a window seat is available, which makes the aisle seat available for others. And I do generally offer my seat to anyone who appears to need it more than I do.

Last weekend I was in New York and while the train I was on had plenty of single seats scattered around, a lady with 2 children boarded, and I gave up my seat to allow them to sit together.

At any rate, I do have a funny story:

I was on the Red Line one afternoon riding from Silver Spring to Dupont Circle. It was rush hour, and at Gallery Place, the train got very crowded. I was sitting near the center of the car in a window seat and a gentleman sat next to me.

At Metro Center, the train got to crush load. A young (mid-20s) lady ended up standing in the aisle next to my seatmate. She didn't look pregnant to me. She wasn't fat, just had a little bulge. Anyway, the man very loudly says, "Excuse me, miss, since you're pregnant, would you like this seat?"

And blushing, she replied, "Well, I'm not pregnant. But thanks for announcing that I'm fat to the entire train."

I suppose the proper thing for the man to do was to just offer his seat without making an assumption about the lady. And to save face, she could have easily just said, "why thanks, that's very kind."

But of course, it can also be kind of a minefield. This story was related to me by someone who observed it:

The train is getting crowded, and a very pregnant lady gets on as a standee. A man offers her his seat, and she replies coldly, "that's sexist. I can't believe you'd offer me a seat just because I'm a woman."

And he replies, "no, ma'am. I'd offer my seat to a pregnant man, too."

Anyway, I think the general rule here is common courtesy. You should always treat your fellow riders with as much respect as possible and remember the Golden Rule.

by Matt Johnson on May 18, 2012 11:41 am • link • report

It's been a few years since I've taken the bus, but I observe this type of inconsiderate behavior on the metro all the time. I have mobility issues and sometimes need to use a cane. There have been several instances when I've gotten onto a rather full train car with cane, and there will be some guy sitting spread-legged in the reserved seats, taking up not one but both of those seats. I always feel awkward about asking though, perhaps because I am afraid of what sort of reaction I'll get.

by Colleen on May 18, 2012 2:46 pm • link • report

The real takeaway is this: If you want a seat, and there is one open way in the back, that is the one to grab. It's usually the case that people in real need of a seat never make it to the back of the bus, unless not one person offers a seat. Even then, you don't have to feel guilty because it's not like the person who needs a seat will go back 15 rows with the hope that someone in the back will be more courteous.

On a related note... if you are sitting on a crowded metro and your stop is approaching, never get up until your car is in the station. Once, in NYC, I stood up on a crowded train as it was about to pull into the station. The train stopped 25 feet before the station and we were stuck for 20 minutes. Having gotten up from my seat, all the standees were left with spreading newspaper on the floors and then sitting on the papers. I don't think anyone would like to sit on the floor of a subway without something like newspaper to sit on. Have a seat on a crowded train? Don't give it up until you see the station.

by MikeR on May 18, 2012 3:31 pm • link • report

@lilkunta
Ah, see, we seem to have a very different view of public transport.
We are a soon to be family of five that CHOOSES to have just one car, CHOOSES to ride bikes (yippee cargo bikes!) as a mode of transportation for the whole family, and CHOOSES to take public transport. Could we afford another car? Sure! Could we never take the bus or the train or the bike and drive everywhere instead? Sure! But we made a decision as a family that living in an incredibly walkable and public transport accessible part of the city was what we wanted - better for our health, better for the environment, and better for the community as a whole.
Based on your comments, I'm not sure that this perspective will make any sense to you, but it needed to be shared.

by elizqueenmama on May 18, 2012 8:43 pm • link • report

@elizqueenmama, You dont know my opinion of public transport. YOU drew first blood not me with your comment:" Finally, to all you late-20 something and early-30 something single professional women who don't get up to help a lady out, I look forward to seeing you at 42, pregnant with triplets because you waited so long and took the IVF route, trying to get on the bus or the train.... " Not every multiple pregnancy is because of IVF.

I take the bus daily and the train on weekends. I love it. I do grocery shop with my car UNAPOLEGETICALLY.
Ans I wull be a mom in my 30s, maybe 40s when my relationship is sound and Im in the best financial position. If I go the IVF route that is my choice.
..o & we single professional ladies wont stretch out--even after multiples-- because we eat healthy and exercise.

by lilkunta on May 22, 2012 9:40 pm • link • report

Re the pregnancy thing, sometimes it's hard to tell if someone is pregnant or just fat. Sometimes yes it is obvious, but I think most people are a little worried about potentially implying that someone looks pregnant when they aren't. Just ask if you need a seat, otherwise you're just as complicit.

by Alan on May 24, 2012 11:50 am • link • report

Everything mentioned here beyond the seats required is based on morality and everyone has a different morality based on culture. So quite frankly this will not work.

by kk on May 25, 2012 1:07 pm • link • report

@Matthew B

Is there a law against able bodied people from sitting except for the disabled seats if not than your argument is mute. If so why have any seats at all except for the disabled ?

Everyone did not used to be nomads that was only certain environments some developed into stable societies quicker than others. Some were nomads while others had highly developed cities.

--------

Quite frankly it should really be a person by person basis but that can not happen.

I know of some 90 year olds that jog and run and are more fit than some people 20, 30 and 40 years younger. This is due to genetics.

Just as having a child with you on the bus is not a disability it is a choice sometimes you have to decide what is worth more. It is not different than you carrying a lot of stuff with you on the bus.

The only people that should get a right to sit are those who have an health issue and are not able to stand period. Age, sex, baggage that you have with you should not be a determining manner.

by kk on May 25, 2012 1:19 pm • link • report