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Breakfast links: Get it moving


Rendering by thisisbossi.
This article was posted as an April Fool's joke.

Purple Line gets first sponsor: Maryland has a transportation funding bill, but to help get the Purple Line moving, MDOT has signed a deal with Six Flags Corporation to sponsor the Purple Line. The new roller coaster design will include a loop-the-loop at Columbia Country Club and feature significantly higher speeds, reducing travel time.

New tax plan for Virginia: Governor Bob McDonnell proposes eliminating the state sales tax. He would make up the revenue by a 50% tax on hybrid or electric cars, organic produce, reusable grocery bags, and bicycle inner tube replacements. Observers now consider him a shoo-in for the 2016 GOP Presidential primary.

Congestion solved: The Texas Transportation Institute found that lost jobs from sequestration improved congestion. "Therefore, the logical policy for transportation must be further job loss," said Tim Lomax. Plus, Stockton, "foreclosure capital of the world," has the nation's lowest congestion, making it a clear model to emulate.

Where's the birth certificate?: Donald Trump is offering a reward for anyone who can prove DC Councilmember McDuffie isn't a "native Washingtonian." Stronghold resident McDuffie owns the house he was raised in and says he was born here, but no incontrovertible proof was immediately available after a 5-minute Google search.

Metro becoming more self-service: As part of its efforts to create a more "self-service" system in the Momentum plan, Metro will replaces all escalators with stairs and convert trains and buses to a Flintstone's-style power system.

Examiner will keep going: The Washington Examiner has reversed course and will continue its current publishing format. "Once we saw how upset our editorial style made David Alpert, we figured we were doing our job and had to continue," said editor Stefan Schmitt. The paper will, however, still fire Kytja Weir and Liz Essley, as both sometimes had positive things to say about transit.

Cheh apologizes: After weeks of speculation and inquiries from the local press, Mary Cheh relented and issued a letter of apology for her completely legal campaign fundraising activities. "DC residents have come to expect so much more of their elected officials," said DC voter Amy Zoneger.

Comments

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Well done and quite creative!

by TMT on Apr 1, 2013 8:13 am • linkreport

The Virginia tax piece was supposed to be funny???

by ArlPriusOwner on Apr 1, 2013 8:19 am • linkreport

How will Seymour vote in the Virginia election?

by William on Apr 1, 2013 8:39 am • linkreport

I had to keep myself from bursting out laughing at the purple line picture.

by NatFan9 on Apr 1, 2013 8:51 am • linkreport

The Purple Line becoming a roller coaster may gain the support of those currently opposed who want to preserve the Capital Crescent Trail. If it's high enough, fewer trees would have to be cut down and the noise will be limited to higher altitudes.

by DAK4Blizzard on Apr 1, 2013 8:55 am • linkreport

The new Purple Line: Best. Commute. Ever.

...thanks for the laughs!

by bobco85 on Apr 1, 2013 8:56 am • linkreport

Great work on the photo, lolololol.

by Nick on Apr 1, 2013 9:00 am • linkreport

I would definitely ride the Purple Line if it looked like that! Great post!

by Thad on Apr 1, 2013 9:04 am • linkreport

Purple line for the win!

by grumpy on Apr 1, 2013 9:07 am • linkreport

Once again, GGW has gotten the story WRONG. The PlanItMetro blog clearly states that Metrorail and Metrobus will be human-powered but by stationary bicycles.

by Randall M. on Apr 1, 2013 9:26 am • linkreport

Making fun of the purple line = funny. Making fun of Kytja Weir because David doesn't like the Examiner = not funny. [Deleted for violating the comment policy.]

by 20011 on Apr 1, 2013 9:30 am • linkreport

20011: I didn't write any of these, actually, but thanks for the extreme nastiness and good morning to you as well.

by David Alpert on Apr 1, 2013 9:35 am • linkreport

but thanks for the extreme nastiness and good morning to you as well.

Attaboy DAl!....Thanks for the morning laugh.

by HogWash on Apr 1, 2013 9:39 am • linkreport

"Once we saw how upset our editorial style made David Alpert, we figured we were doing our job and had to continue," said editor Stefan Schmitt.

Could "trolling David Alpert" be the new business model that the dying old-media outlets have been looking for? Washington Post, are you listening???

by oboe on Apr 1, 2013 10:12 am • linkreport

Making fun of the purple line = funny. Making fun of Kytja Weir because David doesn't like the Examiner = not funny.

Writing a spittle-flecked attack on Alpert because you misinterpreted his obvious compliment of Kytja Weir as an attack = funny.

by oboe on Apr 1, 2013 10:15 am • linkreport

Metro's top speeds actually exceed those of most roller coasters.

(And, with manual operation still in place, so do the G-forces!)

by andrew on Apr 1, 2013 10:48 am • linkreport

I'm concerned that the new planned detour will slow the MoCo section of the Purple Line to the speeds that prevail in Prince Georges. This looks like a shameless ploy to get the eventual eastern extension of the Purple Line to follow the outer alignment through Bowie, which had been previoulsy rejected.

by JimT on Apr 1, 2013 10:50 am • linkreport

How does the Six Flags/purple Line arrangement help get Martin OMalley elected President? Perhaps he'll send Hillary on a test ride to make her too dizzy to run?

by MD20748 on Apr 1, 2013 11:14 am • linkreport

Leading density and transit proponent moves into 3000sq' unit and drives SUV everywhere.

(oh wait, that's not news)

by Tom Coumaris on Apr 1, 2013 11:19 am • linkreport

This also solves the problem of the Tysons Connection. You just run it from the Bethesda to the potomac (along the CCT - bike trails, we don't need no stinking bike trails) have a really high incline right by the river, and let momentum prople riders to Virginia.

by ARunnerOnTheMasonBridge on Apr 1, 2013 11:20 am • linkreport

Mayor Bloomberg calls for dividing ten room Park Avenue co-ops into 500 sq foot efficiencies "It was outrageous that folks brought suburbia into Manhattan, back in 1920"

by ARunnerOnTheMasonBridge on Apr 1, 2013 11:22 am • linkreport

Oh, great! Now the Purple Line will be over budget due to seat restraints for the loop-de-loop. Transit just can't win these days...

by CDL on Apr 1, 2013 12:37 pm • linkreport

And John Norquist of the Congress for Rational Urbanism

http://cos-mobile.blogspot.com/2013/04/build-it-over.html

by Douglas Andrew Willinger on Apr 1, 2013 2:50 pm • linkreport

And for some much needed productivity all around to pay for all our transportation infrastructure desires:

http://southmallblogger.blogspot.com/2013/04/bloomberg-put-coca-back-in-coke.html

About the continuing mega boondoggle of the CSA Tobacco Protectionism
http://freedomofmedicineanddiet.blogspot.com/2013/04/more-about-drug-policy-covington.html

by Douglas Andrew Willinger on Apr 1, 2013 2:55 pm • linkreport

Still 13 links short of a full course.

by Bossi on Apr 1, 2013 4:57 pm • linkreport

I'm with you, Bobco...a roller coaster I can get to without a car. That's winning urbanism, right there!

by Ms. D on Apr 1, 2013 6:10 pm • linkreport

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