This article was posted as an April Fool's joke.
Image from HerrVebah with thanks to haglundc.
It'll be faster, too:
Accepting a fiscal reality, Metro will stop trying to repair its down escalators
. Instead, the agency will replace the escalators with Playskool™ slides. (Erik W.)
There's finally an explanation for "ghost buses" in the NextBus system
, where buses are listed but don't actually show up: These are actual ghosts of eliminated routes and trips. Riders also report feeling a cold wind when they pass. Thanks to these buses, service on October 31 will be substantially increased. (Michael P.)
Get in the car lane:
During his chat today on the Kojo Nnamdi show
, DDOT Director Gabe Klein is expected to announce a new DDOT program to restripe all roads for bicyclists. A new 2-person "car program" will start planning a network of special lanes for cars to ensure drivers feel safe. At intersections, the walk signals will always be activated; drivers have to stop and find a small button on the pole to get a green light. The plans do not consider buses. (Matt', Michael P.)
New flock calls for inclusionary wiring:
An organization for workforce birds is calling for an inclusionary wiring
law that would mandate that 10% of downtown streets include overhead wires
. The group's spokesman told the Post, "The burden on families can be severe. Many birds are forced to commute hundreds of thousands of miles each year. That's not right." (Neil)
The Historic Preservation Office
will manufacture new plastic covers for historic areas. Similar your grandmother's sofa covers, these will guard against pop-ups, pastiche, and vinyl siding and will cost 5¢ each. Regular GGW commenter Lance expressed outrage at the cost. (Neil, Eric F.)
Unacceptable safety record:
In a strongly-worded letter, Senators Bob Menendez (D-NJ), David Vitter (R-LA) and Barbara Mikulski (D-MD) are threatening a federal takeover
of the National Mall if pedestrian safety
conditions do not improve.
Great new blog:
GGW contributors Jaime Fearer and Geoff Hatchard have spun off to launch their own blog
, titled Greater Greater Greater Washington. Not to be outdone, Cavan Wilk recently bought the URL for Greatest Greatest Washington, and Matt Johnson and Michael Perkins plann to launch Really Wicked Greater Washington in May. (Steve O.)
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